14 December 2006

You Better Watch Out

Be careful what you wish for, kids. I was hoping for a bit of excitement in this work-filled, deadlined week — and excitement found me while I was running errands at lunch.

I was in the bank during a robbery.

I was at the service desk endorsing my check when I noticed a guy walk in. My first thought was, “Gee, he looks like a bank robber,” as he was wearing a big, baggy jacket (it was 65 degrees; no need for a jacket), dark sunglasses, a hat, doorag. I admonished myself for making snap judgments and finished my signature. He walked away from the teller as I walked up … and she mouthed “He robbed me.”

The bank folks jumped into action — locking doors, calling the police, shutting down. I ran with the teller to the door through which he escaped, in the hopes we’d recognize him in the parking lot. He was *poof* gone.

No hostage situations. No guns (although his note stated he had one). No Clive Owen or Denzel Washington.

The first policeman arrived within minutes, and the bank was soon swarmed by eight cops and four detectives. I was detained to write my statement and be interviewed by one of the detectives (it’s so NYPD Blue, isn’t it?). Since I really only saw the back of him, I probably won’t be called in for a line-up (dammit!) — but I’d recognize that doorag anywhere.

Oh, they cashed my check before I left.

Today’s Christmas Playlist

King Missile: Jesus Was Way Cool
Run-DMC: Christmas in Hollis
R.E.M.: Christmas Griping
Dread Zeppelin: All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
Hüsker Dü: We Wish You a Merry Christmas
The Woggles: Santa Claus
Keith Richards: Run Rudolph Run
Dwight Yoakum: Santa Claus Is Back in Town
U2: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Oasis: Merry Christmas Everybody

* * * * * *



At 12/14/2006 12:02:00 AM, Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Good lord-- I'm glad you and everyone else are okay!

A guy robbed a bank near my house a couple of years ago. His planning was bad. When you rob a bank, it's usually best to:

1. Check the bag of loot for the dye-pack they always put in it.
2. Have a good getaway plan.
3. If the getaway plan involves using a commuter train, plan the robbery around the schedule of the trains so that you're not spending a huge amount of time waiting for the train.
4. Should that dye-pack go off, it's probably best to find an inconspicuous place to be. You might also want to think about getting rid of the bag and money.

They caught the guy standing at the train station, which is about a block and a half from the bank, covered in blue dye, holding the bag full of loot.

I'm loving your Christmas lists! Glad to see Jesus was Cool there. One of my Christmas faves is "Count Floyd's" Rastafarian Christmas (from the old SCTV).

At 12/14/2006 01:36:00 AM, Blogger haahnster said...

You RULE!!!

Glad you didn't get involved in a Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer, etc. Heat-style shootout.

I would've dropped to the floor, and quivered like a little b*tch, while my bladder emptied without my control...

At 12/14/2006 07:38:00 AM, Blogger Jeremy said...

I can't believe you didn't drop that dude like a bad habit. All those years of training . . . wasted! And to think I took you under my wing against the wishes of my lineage. Next time, I expect to hear a tale of flying, Komodo Dragon kicks, eye puncturing thumb technique and flying do rags.

At 12/14/2006 08:22:00 AM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Holy moly! What a jump start to an otherwise humdrum day eh? We had an armed robbery right across the street during a power outage a few weeks ago..military with rifles, dogs etc. and they wouldn't let us near our house...then did..only to find it open! We had to check each room!

Glad you weren't too shaken up or hurt. Could have been disastrous had he been a nutbar.

At 12/14/2006 08:37:00 AM, Anonymous DJ Cayenne said...

At least it wasn't like the robbery at the hayseed bank in Raising Arizona, which is too bad, you would have been primed with some one liners. "What's it gonna be young feller..."

Speaking of R.E.M. and Christmas songs, any chance that you have an MP3 version of Michael Stipe's song as the disgruntled reindeer in "Olive, the Other Reindeer."

At 12/14/2006 09:10:00 AM, Anonymous HollyC said...

Wow Beth, that is exciting, glad they let him walk out instead of asking you to tackle him. I don't think I even heard about it on the news.
I just remembered my Christmas album you made for us (it has Jesus was Cool on it) so it comes out to play today.

At 12/14/2006 09:40:00 AM, Blogger Bubs said...

Hokey smokes, what a story. Glad you're ok.

For what it's worth, a couple of observations about bank robbers:

1) They tend to be less violence-prone than other robbers (compared to, say, guys who rob liquor stores or armored cars)

2) Robbers who present a demand note, or who say they have a gun without showing it, almost never have a gun. If a robber has a gun, he's going to show it to establish control.

At 12/14/2006 01:02:00 PM, Blogger haahnster said...

In light of the information shared by bubs, I hereby retract my prior admission that "I would've dropped to the floor, and quivered like a little b*tch, while my bladder emptied without my control... "

In fact, I now assert that I would've singlehandedly foiled the crime, and achieved everlasting glory due to my heroism and general badass tendencies.

At 12/14/2006 01:06:00 PM, Blogger Old Lady said...

Thank God you are all ok! Goodness I bet that got your adrenaline going!

At 12/14/2006 02:58:00 PM, Blogger Coffeypot said...

I just want the facts, madam. Just the facts.

At 12/14/2006 03:21:00 PM, Blogger Peter said...

"I probably won’t be called in for a line-up (dammit!)"-- Glad you took it this way. Glad no one was hurt. Now I feel ok about making a joke.

People who rob banks post-it notes are a disgrace to bank robbers everywhere.

At 12/14/2006 03:50:00 PM, Blogger Grant Miller said...

I'm sorry neither Clive Owen nor Denzel Washington were involved.

At 12/14/2006 04:24:00 PM, Blogger kfluff said...

Far too much excitement for your favorite time of year! Glad to hear you're unscarred. But in regards to your playlist: WOOT! Raise the roof for Run DMC!

At 12/14/2006 07:46:00 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Must've been scary! Luckily, no one was hurt or anything.

...but still must've been a pretty exciting situation. Living on the edge. Built to be bad. :O Yuup.

At 12/14/2006 08:22:00 PM, Blogger Scrivener said...

Yikes! For serious? Well, as everyone else said, I'm glad you're ok.

At 12/14/2006 10:07:00 PM, Blogger mellowlee said...

Holy Moly! That's so exciting!!!!

At 12/14/2006 11:44:00 PM, Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

I'm glad you're all right, you've got good instincts.

At 12/15/2006 06:57:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

JOHNNY YEN: I think I read about your neighborhood robber. And sorry that I can't leave comments on your blog these days.

HAAHNSTER: I do rule. I think the robber could tell I was a bad-ass, so he got out of there as soon as he could.

JEREMY: Sorrey I let you down, sensei.

MOTHER OF INVENTION: Omigod! Bet it took you a long time to relax that evening ...

DJ CAYENNE: I'd like to have one Raising Arizona moment every year.

HOLLYC: I never saw it on the news, either. The bank is one of my clients and I chatted with them about it; I bet they shut down the press since it's a small, new bank. Did you rock to "Jesus Was Way Cool"?

At 12/15/2006 07:08:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

BUBS: I love getting comments from someone who knows what he's talking about! I wondered if the guy had a gun. The teller said he was so nervous, his face was shaking.

HAAHNSTER: You forgot to add "... and swarmed by the hot tellers."

OLD LADY: I have to admit, it was pretty cool. Well, except for the whole crime thing.

COFFEYPOT: I stuck to the facts, uncle.

PETER: I think this guy was a lucky disgrace.

GRANT MILLER: So am I, Grant. So am I.

At 12/15/2006 07:11:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

KFLUFF: Love that Run-DMC Christmas song!

KAREN: It happened so quickly and so quietly, there wasn't time to be frightened. Just that post-robbery rush.

SCRIVENER: For serious. I didn't think about the what-could-haves until I was in my car and driving back to the office. Sheesh!

MELLOWLEE: I've definitely had a conversation-starter this week.


At 12/15/2006 08:52:00 AM, Blogger Keith Kennedy said...

Wow, that's so cool. I wish I was in a bank robbery.

At 12/18/2006 02:54:00 PM, Blogger Winter said...

I'm so jealous!

At 12/19/2006 06:25:00 PM, Blogger wonderturtle said...

Holy crow.

At 12/29/2006 11:26:00 AM, Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

Wow, I'm glad no one was hurt. I've never done a lineup, but having attended law school I'm sure I would spend most of my time trying to determine whether that particular lineup would pass constitutional muster.


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