22 November 2006

A Lifetime of Crushes

The adorable Coaster Punchman tagged me to tell the tales of my young crushes. Now, if you’ve read this blog long, you know I adore having crushes, and usually have three or four simmering at any time. Ah, but the crushes of our youth. Innocent … fun … thrilling … void of drama. Nothing like the crushes we had before we hit our teens.

My first crush was Paul McCartney. Yes, I know we’re supposed to talk about those crushes who existed in our real world, but my love for Paul ran deep for a very long time. If you saw my rogue’s gallery, you could see the influence Paul had on my taste in men. I was five when The Beatles hit in 1964, and I got all caught up in Beatlemania. I’d watch The Beatles cartoon and play The Beatles game and talktalktalk about The Beatles with the teen girl who lived next door; she went to their concert at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, and was my hero after that.

I wish I were cool enough to say I crushed on John, but I went for the cute face back then. The sister was cool enough to crush on Lennon; she always went for the funny ones. And their birthdays are a day apart.

I got in trouble in kindergarten for kissing the boys, but I can’t remember which fellow Kiddie Dude Ranchers I locked lips with. (Randy, maybe you were one of the lucky ones.) I just remember liking the boys. All of them.

My first-grade heart belonged to Cary, a cute boy with olive skin and an exotic look. I remember looking at him all the time and feeling all squishy inside. I was a very shy kid back then — so shy and in my own little world that Mrs. Rakestraw called my mama about it — so it didn’t progress beyond stares and longings … longings for what, I didn’t know.

My family moved at the end of first grade, and I started going to Teasley Elementary. I wouldn’t say it was a full-on crush, but my first Teasley boy obsession was Pete Royal. Pete was my first great boy buddy, and we were good friends through high school. He was fun, he was silly, he hung out with the girls, he laughed at everything I said, and he started my love of hanging out with the boys. Pete and I lost touch after graduating from high school. We had a great time at our ten-year reunion and swore we’d get together soon. We never did. He died more than ten years ago, and I still regret that I never planned that dinner.

I harbored a secret crush on Mike beginning in the fourth grade. Like me, he wore glasses and, like me, he had to stand sideways when the class photo was taken. Misfits must stick together, no? He also had beautiful red hair. I guess that’s why I’m crushing these days on sKincarver.

The sixth-grade swoon was over George, a new boy in our school. He was tall and thin with brown hair, and I giggled every time he said something to me. I can still remember the tingles and thrills whenever he said something to me.

I’ll end the list with my first crush in junior high: Matthew. I fell hard for that blond boy in wire rims when he got on the bus the first day of school; he had a bit of a Warren Zevon look going for him, which is the only type of blond I'm attracted to, except for Robert Redford and Brad Pitt. Of course, this being junior high, I was horrified when people found out … “people” being Laura, our area mean girl. You know the type: Full breasts by fifth grade, vicious and mean to every girl in a sweet and friendly voice.

How mean was that evil bitch from hell? Holly and I were swimming at the pool one summer day. We both wore T-shirts over our bikinis so that “we wouldn’t sunburn” (read: to cover our lack of breasts, not realizing that wet T-shirts cling to the sunken chest). Laura called us over to introduce us to new and handsome lifeguard, saying “Joe loves great bodies. Why don’t y’all pull up your T-shirts and give him a laugh?” We both jumped back into the pool, and I cried under the water.

Anyway, Laura told Matthew about my burning crush and set a lovely plan in motion. He came to my table during lunch, and in that very crowded lunchroom and sang the Aunt Jemima pancakes jingle while pointing to my (lack of) breasts. Mortification killed that crush, and I hope he married miserably. And then I met my science partner, David Decker, and all was right and beautiful again in the crush world.

Now it’s my turn to tag. Who do I think will have the most entertaining crushes? No doubt the lovely Mellowlee … the cute cuz Marni … my blog crush Haahnster … the interesting Erin … and that great storyteller Johnny Yen.

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At 11/22/2006 05:45:00 PM, Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

I hope that bitch Laura developed bad skin and halitosis.

Feel better?

At 11/22/2006 06:27:00 PM, Anonymous rcofchs said...

I will never kiss and tell. What happens at the Kiddie Dude Ranch, stays at the Kiddie Dude Ranch.

At 11/22/2006 06:54:00 PM, Blogger Old Lady said...

I hated those bitches too!

At 11/22/2006 07:31:00 PM, Blogger lee said...

That hateful girl sounds like a complete scrag.My Beatles crush was always lovely George. Out of the Monkees it was Davy, then when I got older it was Mike Nesmith. At 10 it was Neil Finn,in 20's it was Tim Finn.Other assorted crushes -Jeremy Irons, Gene Kelly, and Michael Palin.

At 11/22/2006 11:41:00 PM, Blogger wonderturtle said...

Ani sang, "I like you so much, I talk to everyone but you." Why is it we had such extensive fantasy lives but never never wanted the object of the affection to have even a hint?

Thanks for these stories...

At 11/22/2006 11:58:00 PM, Blogger mellowlee said...

Awwww this post was so sweet, except for nasty Laura GRRRRRR! I will take a while to think before I post mine. I haven't thought about it for yeaaaaarrss! :) Thanks Beth xox

At 11/23/2006 06:24:00 AM, Blogger Ben Heller said...

And you got through that story, and never mentioned your crush for Mr Stipe !

That Laura sounded like a real bitch, I would have hated her. I always used to have an intense dislike for the popular girls. I always liked girls who made me laugh, don't know why.

It's a shame you didn't get to meet Pete Royal again. He died so young.

My biggest crush.

Molly Ringwald. Period.

At 11/23/2006 02:41:00 PM, Blogger barista brat said...

haha -

so it appears you've always carefully selected your crushes!

At 11/23/2006 06:00:00 PM, Blogger Marni said...

I got your tag... yeah... I got it!

I'm gonna have to think about 'em all. Don't know whether to go with real folks or the celebrities. I think I'll do the real ones first.


At 11/24/2006 11:16:00 PM, Blogger Dale said...

Crush With Eyeliner. That's the first thing I thought of. After school, that Laura? She's dead.

At 11/25/2006 10:38:00 AM, Blogger Marni said...

BTW - I always liked Ringo...

At 11/25/2006 02:25:00 PM, Blogger Michael Sweets said...

Hahaha, I just loved this.. Thank you much.. You should swing by mine sometime.

At 11/26/2006 10:10:00 AM, Blogger Bubs said...

Oh yes, the pain of crushes. I'm glad you ended it on a high note with your lab partner.

At 11/26/2006 04:55:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

COASTER PUNCHMAN: Nah, she was one of those who looked great through school. Luckily, we don't run in the same circles; she's a -- *gasp* -- suburbanite.

RCOFCHS: If those crayons could only talk ...

OLD LADY: At least that bitch can't boast the longtime friendships I've enjoyed.

LEE: Peter Buck of R.E.M. has always reminded me of Michael Nesmith, my favorite Monkee.

At 11/26/2006 04:59:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

WONDERTURTLE: Isn't that the truth? The beauty of my age is I don't have a problem letting him know I have a crush on him.

MELLOWLEE: Did you come up with your crushes?

BEN: Now women all over Blogspot will start dying their hair Molly red. I didn't get to the Stipe/Buck crushes since I stopped at junior high. But Michael did eye-flirt with me once over breakfast ... back when he had wild beautiful hair and an attraction to women.

BRAT: Oh, hell, no. I never do anything carefully. You haven't figured that out yet?

MARNI: I wish I'd listed all of my celeb-crushes; I may do that next week.

At 11/26/2006 05:01:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

DALE: Dammit! Why didn't I think of that post title? It's one of my faves, too ... after all, Thurston guests on it.

MARNI: Ah, Ringo; how cute!

MICHAEL SWEETS: Welcome I'll check you out tonight.

BUBS: Some of us still swoon when the name "David Decker" is uttered. Cool, tall, handsome ... and he drove a motorcycle in junior high.

At 11/26/2006 10:08:00 PM, Blogger Dale said...

I'm all about titles over content Beth!

At 11/27/2006 12:48:00 AM, Blogger mellowlee said...

Beth - I certainly did! I posted them the other day. It was lotsa fun!


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