15 September 2006

100 for 200

The tease went out earlier this week: My 200th post was coming up, which I planned to celebrate with a blogging tradition. The wait is over: Here’s my 100 Things About Me post. My cousin Marni recently published hers, and she’s been bugging me to write mine, so this is as much to please her as it is to entertain y’all with my nerdy trivialities.

So, without further ado:

1. My favorite band is R.E.M.

2. I love R.E.M. more than I have most of my beaux.

3. I get teary-eyed every time R.E.M. walks on stage. I’ll probably cry at tomorrow’s induction ceremony.

4. I’m the oldest of three kids.

5. But in most ways, I’m the youngest.

6. I’ve never been married.

7. But Dan and I lived together for nearly eight years.

8. I’ve never had children, and I’m too old to start.

9. But I have the best niece and nephew in the world.

10. I have three cats. Maggie (thirteen years old) and Otto (six years old) live with me; Dan got custody of Max (three years old) when we split up.

11. I say the first things I notice about a man are his eyes and smile.

12. But it’s really his ass and legs.

13. And his ring finger.

14. Number five on my top-five list fell off because I know someone who knows him, so he’s no longer a mystery and therefore cannot be a fantasy.

15. I don’t have anyone to fill his slot.

16. Bruce Campbell and David Duchovny are on my top five (now the top four, I guess).

17. I have Mulder and Ash action figures, and they stand on either side of my home monitor.

18. The other two on the list are George Clooney and David Letterman.

19. If Jon Stewart was taller, he could be my number five. Possibly Colin Firth (yeah, Colin Firth). Or Clive Owen. Maybe Hugh Grant. Ben Affleck before he jumped the shark with J.Lo.

20. My eyebrows are graying faster than the hair on my head.

21. Our family was once featured in a Japanese commercial. I have no idea what we were hawking.

22. I have a Southern accent. But I talk very fast, so it can be hard to catch the drawls … except when I’m tired and the tongue slows down.

23. I’m the only Southerner I know who can’t stand ham. Or potato salad. Or sweet tea. Or football.

24. I wish I were an NPR person, but their calming voices put me to sleep while I’m driving. I have to crank music so that I can dance and sing myself awake. I’m ashamed.

25. I’m ridiculously afraid of rats.

26. I hate the rest of the rodent clan, too.

27. I have a crush on Oliver Platt’s hair. And Emmylou Harris’ gray hair.

28. In college I was the public relations/public affairs director for our campus radio station. I had a free pass to every music club in the city (these were the early days of R.E.M. and The B-52's and Talking Heads) and opening night tickets to every play and ballet that year. It was a great year.

29. I’m a sociable hermit.

30. I really like people, but I’d rather live way out in the woods and just e-mail those I know.

31. I distrust anyone who claims to be a people person.

32. Or says they like animals more than people.

33. I spend an average of two hours a day in my fantasy world. I’m 5’10” with legs up to here in Cupland. And Peter Buck is my best friend.

34. I fantasize more about playing guitar on stage with Peter Buck and Keith Richards than I fantasize about … okay, that’s a lie. But it is a regularly screened fantasy in my head.

35. I can’t play guitar, but I want to.

36. I couldn’t even play that plastic flute in the sixth grade.

37. I’m a bit tone-deaf, actually … but that doesn’t stop me from singing at the top of my lungs.

38. My singing sometimes scares my coworkers.

39. The first album I ever bought was The Beatles Help!. Sister bought Revolver at the same time.

40. I have a walk-in closet filled with CDs. I don’t buy many CDs these days; I'm more of an MP3 girl.

41. One wall is filled with R.E.M.-related CDs, including bootlegs and every side project or sit-in the boys have participated on. Yes, every damn one. I conduct quarterly Googles to make sure I'm current.

42. I aspire to have a collection that rivals Ben’s Treasure Trove.

43. I have nearly 30,000 MP3s. And I still haven’t finished ripping my CDs.

44. I’ve been to Strawberry Fields and the Cavern Club, Graceland, Al Green’s church, the R.E.M. church, the Texas Chili Parlor Bar — all spiritual, meaningful pilgrimages.

45. I dress in all black every December 18 to celebrate Keith Richard’s birthday.

46. I once kissed Warren Zevon.

47. I cry every September 7, the anniversary of Warren Zevon’s death.

48. I’ve been madly in love five times since college.

49. I’d like to fall madly in love one more time.

50. My favorite job, other than the college radio station, was working at a bookstore.

51. I love grammar — talking about it, reading about it, teaching others about it, pulling out my red pen and editing what others have written.

52. I plan to launch my Grammar Grrrl blog in October.

53. I never graduated from college, but I’d like to go back to major in literature and minor in art history.

54. I once got kicked out of a strip club. For dancing with a patron. And, yes, I’m still proud of that.

55. I failed my driver’s test three times before I (finally!) got my license.

56. I had four car accidents the year I turned thirty. Three were my fault.

57. My car insurance was rather high for a couple of years after that.

58. My favorite baseball players are Hank Aaron and Tom Glavine.

59. I got to ride in the 1991 World Series parade with David Justice and Mark Lemke.

60. I don’t like to admit it, but I was in a sorority for a year.

61. I have 11 e-mail addresses: seven Yahoos, one Gmail, one Hotmail, one with my home ISP, one office address. And I use them all.

62. I bite my nails.

63. I have insomnia. Or maybe it’s just that I love being up between midnight and 4 a.m.

64. I think I suffer from ADHD. Or, rather, others suffer because I probably have it.

65. My mother and sister agree. With the diagnosis and their suffering.

66. I love making lists.

67. I was twenty the first time I flew on a plane.

68. I’ve been to Europe nine times.

69. I’ve never read The DaVinci Code. I doubt I ever will.

70. My favorite cocktails are extra-dirty martinis and cosmopolitans.

71. My favorite beers are Guinness Stout, Fuller’s, and a good British cider. I like Thai and Japanese beers, too.

72. And I adore the frozen margarita swirl at Casa Grande (the swirl is sangria, folks). Who wants to join me for one (or four)?

73. I got paddled in front of my third-grade class for talking.

74. I couldn’t admit that to anyone until I was a junior in high school. Now I consider it a badge of honor.

75. I was a painfully shy nerd until junior high.

76. Then I was a semi-shy, boy-crazy nerd.

77. I’m no longer shy, but I’m still a boy-crazy nerd.

78. I have the best group of best friends ever.

79. I could get arrested in seven states (covering the four U.S. corners and the Midwest, I might add) and the U.K., and someone would be there to bail me out.

80. That’s my goal for 2008: to be arrested in the towns of and bailed out by my farflung friends.

81. I was the first sophomore to make the high school newspaper staff — the best newspaper in the state.

82. Nearly everything I know about writing was learned during those three years. And I support myself today with those skills.

83. I was in flag corps my sophomore year and pep club my senior year.

84. I was a WSB Great Young American in high school. That means nothing to you readers outside Atlanta. And yet I still feel the need to brag about it. Sad, isn’t it?

85. Fall is my favorite season. Especially October in Atlanta.

86. But spring in Atlanta is glorious. You should see our azaleas and dogwoods.

87. I love Christmas.

88. I have five coffin-like storage bins filled with decorations and wrapping paper.

89. And a box filled with the greatest Christmas CDs ever.

90. My mother and my best friend’s mother went to high school together.

91. And my mother’s father went to school with her mother’s mother.

92. I still have my tonsils and my appendix.

93. I’ve never had surgery.

94. I broke my wrist slipping on the brick floor of a Mexican restaurant.

95. Yes, I had been happy houring for three hours. But the restaurant gave me $1,000 so that I wouldn’t sue them.

96. I asked Dan what to put on the list, and he said to tell y’all I’m gregarious, fun, freckled, laughing, and girlie.

97. Until a few years ago, I thought Isaac Hayes was singing “He’s a carpet-laying man” in “Theme from Shaft.”

98. The correct line is “He’s a complicated man.” I prefer my lyrics.

99. I loved playing with Barbie when I was a kid. Through the sixth grade, actually.

100. If I still had a Barbie, I’d probably be playing with her instead of trying to come up with 100 things to tell you about me. But I love making lists.

* * * * * *

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At 9/16/2006 03:18:00 AM, Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

"Our family was once featured in a Japanese commercial. I have no idea what we were hawking."

Coffee, of course. When it comes to electronics, cars, advertising, and sushi, the Japanese always know what they're doing.

"I’m the only Southerner I know who can’t stand ham. Or potato salad. Or sweet tea. Or football."

Beth, if I didn't think the world of you already, this would seriously wonder if you were a communist ; )

"And Emmylou Harris’ gray hair."

Absolutely and hell yeah!

"Or says they like animals more than people."

Sure enough. They lack real empathy for their fellow man.

"I spend an average of two hours a day in my fantasy world. I’m 5’10” with legs up to here in Cupland. And Peter Buck is my best friend."

Which brings me to what I've always wanted to ask you, when do we get to read *YOUR* writing?

"I’m a bit tone-deaf, actually … but that doesn’t stop me from singing at the top of my lungs."

It doesn't stop Brittney Spears, either. All you need to do is sing into a pitch modulator or whatever that machine is that makes pop stars.

"I plan to launch my Grammar Grrrl blog in October."

Will there be a translation blog for it? To bridge the gap for the clueless like me?

"I once got kicked out of a strip club. For dancing with a patron. And, yes, I’m still proud of that."

Damn, you rock!

"I failed my driver’s test three times before I (finally!) got my license."

We must be very distant cousins.

"I had four car accidents the year I turned thirty. Three were my fault."

Maybe we're not, it took me longer to get four that were mine.

"I could get arrested in seven states (covering the four U.S. corners and the Midwest, I might add) and the U.K., and someone would be there to bail me out."

You got it, as long as it's not a major felony (you know I don't have the collateral).

"The correct line is “He’s a complicated man.” I prefer my lyrics."

So do I, your lyrics are sexier.

Hella informative, Beth. I loved it and look forward to the 300th.

At 9/16/2006 03:56:00 AM, Blogger barista brat said...

this was my absolute favorite read of the week!

i can't wait for the launch of grammar grrrl.

guess what? i'm a bass player (in my fantasies at least) so maybe we can jam sometime?

At 9/16/2006 06:59:00 AM, Blogger Matt said...

One of the best "100 Things About Me" lists that I've ever read. Makes me wish I knew you better.

At 9/16/2006 08:33:00 AM, Blogger haahnster said...

In light of #51, I must return to #28...shouldn't "this was the early days" be "those were the early days"?

I love being an assh*le.

Seriously, this was a very cool list. It confirms my suspicion that you are an interesting person. I doubt I could write 20 things about me.

PS - Have a BLAST with R.E.M. tonight!

At 9/16/2006 09:33:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

#45 - Cool!
#43 - When do you find the time???
#41 - !!!
#40 - Respect, dude(tte)!
#24 - Hee!
#14 - Sorry...if you're talking 'bout who I think you're talking about.

My theme song for the day must be "Leaving NY"

Have a great time tonight, Beth!!!

At 9/16/2006 11:10:00 AM, Blogger Dale said...

The only list of 100 things I've read through. You're a woman of intrigue B.E.T.H.!

At 9/16/2006 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Old Lady said...

Beth and I sing alike-people at work endure me.

At 9/16/2006 01:29:00 PM, Blogger Jamey said...

Oh my gosh! I ALWAYS thought you had the BEST Barbie clothes EVER!! A huge suitcase of clothes, right? Funny you mentioned that in your list because I was going to mention it to you at dinner...one of my BEST memories with you guys is the Barbie clothes and the "mystery grab bags" that your mom bought me at Spencers in the mall.

At 9/16/2006 03:43:00 PM, Blogger kfluff said...

#97-98 gave me a chuckle, Beth. For the longest time, I thought the line in "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" was "A girl with colitis goes by..."

Not nearly as evocative as your re-write.

Happy 200--here's to 200 more!

At 9/16/2006 04:10:00 PM, Blogger Some Guy said...

Who is this "R.E.M." I keep hearing about?

At 9/16/2006 04:44:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Beth, on a great list and on being followed by so many loyal, "we love Beth" readers! Funny, nothing surprised me AT ALL except Renae's mother going to school with my father...I did not know that..knew her mom went to school with your mom and certainly I remember her. Of course, anything about my daddy is always of interest to me. Look forward to grammar blog but also would love a blog on yall's names (family) for each other and why...i.e. Fred, OM, etc. Plus the pet names...like Cocoa Crispy. And now you have name mixtures like coffee, ham and rice, all real! For a nerd, you have sure been an interesting one! So are your readers. Interesting, not nerds, I mean. Brilliance is difficult, I would imagine..but, you handle it well. Have fun tonight with...what was their name...REM?

At 9/16/2006 05:01:00 PM, Blogger Moderator said...

Clive Owen plays a bad guy too well to make anyone's list. Except yours. So, it's okay.

At 9/16/2006 06:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me again - I wish you had made it 101 (know I cannot keep limits) and told the world that your aunt has told EVERYONE we have in common that YOU were the MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY she has ever seen in her many years. I cried over your turning your head to avoid glare in your little glasses and remembered you were the cutest thing in this world with those big old glasses...just added to the personality! Now, I am through, I promise...just had a little Beth moment. Could have sent an email but your public should know just how beautiful you were - are.

At 9/17/2006 05:28:00 AM, Blogger Will said...

What a great Insightful list Beth. Really let's face it, you're just a girl, you'll never ever grow up and I mean that in the best way possible.

I'd bail you out but it depends what you get arrested for.

At 9/17/2006 11:03:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

GO BACK TO COLLEGE and get that major AND minor, that would be so great and you would love every minute of it...there is no age limit on the Hope scholarship by the way...and you are a scholar if anyone is. By the way, I got paddled at Nash for talking and was so humiliated. And we do have a new jail up here in D'ville that I here is really nice..

At 9/18/2006 11:43:00 AM, Blogger Coaster Punchman said...

Great list!

* I'm the youngest, but in many ways the oldest. Does that make us opposites?

* I love that you distrust people who claim to be people persons, but I'd like you to expand on why this is. It's kind of like how I distrust people that don't drink (sorry, Jin, if you're reading this....)

I love the "100 Things" lists. I think everyone should do one, like me.

Still waiting for the rest of you.


At 9/19/2006 12:06:00 AM, Blogger Benny said...


What's-a matter, Beth? Ya don't like "sweet-ass-tay"? Hehe. Me neither.


I once was shoved past the velvet ropes into a Magritte painting (Le Modele Rouge) by two rambunctious American boys in an art museum in Stockholm. I was mortified- and, when I heard the mother/au pair (?) screaming in her oblivious American accent, afraid to open my mouth. I hope this wasn't the case when you were kissing Warren Zevon.


I went to the very first day of flag try-outs my freshman year. Then I knocked myself over the head with it and got the giggles and was asked to leave.


I stopped playing with Barbie when I was 7. Before then, it was New Kids on the Block in drag- dresses my great-grandmother had crocheted for me, I should say.

So, when's this new blog come out? Let me know so I can give you some link love. :-)

At 9/19/2006 07:54:00 AM, Blogger Jenna said...

I giggled and said "Me too!" at a whole lot of these.

But I just have to respond to Grant Miller and say, obviously Clive Owen plays a great bad guy, that's why we love him. That and he is the epitome of tall, dark, and fucking gorgeous.

Great list! :)

At 9/21/2006 02:55:00 PM, Blogger Cup said...

We need bad boys who are good, don't we, Giz?


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