27 April 2008

Calling Clinton and Stacey

Last week was a rough one. A couple of highs — Nick Lowe and Ron Sexsmith at Variety Playhouse, dinner with Favorite Boy — but most of it was soul-sucking minutes dealing with car problems and work blandness and crap. What better way to close those 168 suck-ass hours than hitting a concert?

And so I went with Scrivener to see Tapes ‘n’ Tapes. Drained and limp, I donned the most comfortable clothes I could grab: faded jeans and Avias, R.E.M. T-shirt over a longsleeved white one. Popped the lenses, put on my glasses, slung my orange Nepalese messenger bag over my shoulder, and I was off to The Earl.


Ready to groove … casually


The opening act was White Denim, a garage band from Austin. Scrivener and I kept trying to guess the age of the bass player — who looked like the bastard child of Mike Mills and my friend Renae. If he was twenty, I want the name of his moisturizer.

Tapes ‘n’ Tapes hit the stage around 11:20, and I hit the bar. While ordering my cocktail of choice (bottled water; did I mention it was a rough week?), a guy grabbed my arm and told me he loved our opening set. When I looked at him quizzically, he said, “Aren’t you the bass player?”

Um, no. I have two decades and two tits on the bass player.

Mama’s right, I guess. I need to wear lipstick whenever I go out.

* * * * * *

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25 Comments:

At 4/27/2008 10:41:00 PM, Blogger Artful Dodger said...

Oh no! As horrible as that was I can't help but laugh my butt off. I'm sorry, I'm wretched that way. I do hope your coming week is much much better. Have Favorite Boy do something extremely nice for you.

 
At 4/27/2008 10:53:00 PM, Blogger Eebie said...

Last day of spring break and I'm feeling bold ('cuz I had a pitcher all to myself at O'Connell's)...I have to say it, nice writing and nice tits ya got there, both are beautiful!

 
At 4/28/2008 12:47:00 AM, Blogger lulu said...

nice rack.

 
At 4/28/2008 02:57:00 AM, Blogger BeckEye said...

BOOBIES!

 
At 4/28/2008 09:45:00 AM, Blogger coffeypot said...

Now that is funny. Maybe you should go out with your Aunt Stephen. Y'all could go as husband and wife - you being the tittied husband and Stephen could be the titless wife.

 
At 4/28/2008 09:54:00 AM, Blogger Tenacious S said...

You look like a girl to me. Just sayin'. My mom always told me to wear lipstick, too. Weird, because she wore very little makeup herself. Glad you got out.

 
At 4/28/2008 10:58:00 AM, Blogger SkylersDad said...

After checking out your, errrr, shirt for awhile, I have come to the conclusion the guy was missing his contacts or going blind.

 
At 4/28/2008 02:38:00 PM, Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm sure bar dude thought the bassist was a gorgeous woman, cause you're looking mighty fine to me.

 
At 4/28/2008 03:00:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

ARTFUL DODGER: I think it’s pretty funny, too. I’m not mistaken for a young guy all that often. Maybe I should be flattered?

EEBIE: *grinning* and *blushing*

LULU: Quite the compliment, coming from you.

BECKEYE: Why couldn’t the White Denim fan see ‘em?

 
At 4/28/2008 03:02:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

COFFEYPOT: Maybe that’s why Aunt Stephen and I get along so well! Want to join us on a double-date?

TENACIOUS S: My mother never lets a day pass without putting on her face. My I’m your mother’s long-lost child.

SKYLER’S DAD: Or maybe he had the worst pick-up line of the night.

BARBARA BRUEDERLIN: God, I hope so …

 
At 4/28/2008 03:53:00 PM, Blogger Pagan Sphinx said...

Beth. I think the guy's comment to you just means you look young and metrosexual; though you look very womanly to me in your REM tee-shirt!

I'm going to go see Nick Lowe on Thursday!

I'm very excited to have found you; as we have a lot of music in common!

 
At 4/28/2008 04:55:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Did you mean you wanted to put two tits on the bass player?

 
At 4/28/2008 05:33:00 PM, Blogger pistols at dawn said...

Any dude who doesn't notice boobs should have his dude card revoked.

 
At 4/28/2008 06:12:00 PM, Anonymous Favoriteboy said...

Yo,fellas, back up off the rack. That's my squeeze cheese.

 
At 4/28/2008 06:17:00 PM, Anonymous m said...

wait?! you are a woman? hmmm....

 
At 4/28/2008 10:11:00 PM, Blogger Gifted Typist said...

The highs and Lowes of Beth

 
At 4/28/2008 11:48:00 PM, Blogger Writeprocrastinator said...

See, the offspring of Helen Keller really needs to get his eyes checked.

BTW, nice, um, yawing on the T-shirt.

 
At 4/29/2008 10:30:00 AM, Blogger Sean Wraight said...

So your picture got me to thinking... Do you call them "Buck" and "Mills" or "Buck and "Stipe"?

Regretfully my wife has christened hers "Hall" and "Oates". One is definitely bigger than the other so it only seemed appropriate...

I smell a future posting here too Beth. (Breast or Music Duo?)

;-) s

 
At 4/29/2008 11:06:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

PAGAN SPHINX: A female metrosexual, huh? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful e-friendship, Pagan (if I may get first-nom de blog with you). I take a person’s musical interests in serious consideration … because I’m deep that way. We’ll have to compare notes on the Nick Lowe shows!

DR. MONKEY VON MONKERSTEIN: I’m always looking for opportunities to put my tits on bass players.

PISTOLS AT DAWN: I was a bit crushed that the boy didn’t notice mine.

FAVORITE BOY: You are such a romantic dream. No wonder I’m so smitten!

 
At 4/29/2008 11:09:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

M: So the doctor says. Michael Stipe can verify it.

GIFTED TYPIST: It’s quite the life, Gifted — always interesting, rarely boring. Nick Lowe was a-maz-ing, BTW.

WRITE PROCRASTINATOR: Thank you, doll.

SEAN WRAIGHT: Definitely “Stipe” for the right (and smaller) one, and “Buck” for the left (and larger) one. I think you have a brilliant post idea! Hall & Oates? Really???? That’s almost sad …

 
At 4/29/2008 12:00:00 PM, Anonymous filegod1 said...

Hall and Oates is a pretty cool name for some chest yummies. I named my nards Mick and Keef. Love to take the Glimmer twins on tour. You fill up an REM T nicely Beth. Mr. Stipe is lucky to be nestled between Mike and Pete.

 
At 4/29/2008 06:11:00 PM, Blogger Pagan Sphinx said...

Sorry, Beth but you've been tagged. If you hate memes, I so understand!

 
At 4/29/2008 08:16:00 PM, Blogger Mix Tape Girl said...

Yeah what a knuckle head. I'm glad you didn't throw a punch at him or anything. Lord knows I would have. Oh and I hit AD for laughing at you. BTW looking gorgeous rocking the shirt and long-sleeve, a favorite concert combo of mine.

 
At 4/29/2008 08:51:00 PM, Blogger Pagan Sphinx said...

Ok, so I'm a duffus. I always thought "metrosexual" was the new "yuppy" regardless of gender. What a hick. Sowwy.

 
At 4/30/2008 10:58:00 PM, Blogger Jewgirl said...

you have a fabulous rack, child. Stunning.

 

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