Don’t Suck up to Squirrels
I’ve long considered Write Procrastinator my West Blog Coast doppelganger. We find humor and irritation in the same things, we love quoting R.E.M. lyrics, we write procrastinatedly, we think we’re a cup full o' fun.
But the boy let me down this week. Seems he thinks we should suck up to squirrels, flatter ‘em, tell ‘em they’re cute, so they won’t attack us. My buddy has caved to the pressures of the rodent lobby.
Let me make myself clear:
But the boy let me down this week. Seems he thinks we should suck up to squirrels, flatter ‘em, tell ‘em they’re cute, so they won’t attack us. My buddy has caved to the pressures of the rodent lobby.
Let me make myself clear:
Squirrels are not cute.
They’re rats in thicker coats.
There are no cute rodents. Rats and mice, chipmunks and moles, gophers and squirrels: N-A-S-T-Y. Grant Miller’s recently deceased gerbil? Sorry to the grieving Millers, but it was vermin, too. They’re creepy and disgusting, with beady eyes and sharp, tiny teeth.
Don't waste time sucking up to dirty creatures so they’ll stay out of our birdhouses, away from our toes, off the roof. Just shoot ‘em. That’s what BB guns are for, right?Prairie dogs are kind of cute, though. Morocco Mole’s a maybe … but Secret Squirrel will get nothing from me.
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Labels: beloved bloggers, doppelgangers, fight the rodent lobby, Morocco Mole’s kinda cute, rodents are nasty, scaredy-cat WP
posted by Cup @ 1:12 AM
23 comments
23 Comments:
No! You're wrong! Squirrels are cute!! Rats are actually kind of ... cute ... too ... OK, maybe not. But squirrels are.
Except when they get in your attic and you can hear them pitter-pattering around up there. And then my cat gets all excited and runs around the house looking up at the ceiling.
OK, so that kind of sucks.
They're nothing but rats and all they do is eat, eat, eat.
But they are good fried and then dipped in ketchup!
I am so over all these crummy little animals. Here in the city we're overrun with squirrels and raccoons. At least the raccoons have cute faces. And hands. They're like people. But I'm tired of listening to them and looking at them...grrrr!
I also like ketchup.
"Just shoot ‘em. That’s what BB guns are for, right?"
Wow, my jaw just hit the keyboard. Um, you saw "The Birds," right? Just remember, there are plenty of trees in Atlanta and to keep your head on a swivel, they know where you live.
BTW, also beware of the Squirrel Lovers And Protectors, or "S.L.A.P." They are run by a one S. Nutkin Esquire and they are known to be litigious bunch of nuts.
HOLLYC: We were raised right in Vinings, weren't we? Those nasty-a**ed rodents better leave your lovely home alone. Sick Duke on 'em.
DAN: It creeps me out when I hear squirrels in the attic, their little nails click*click*clicking. And I'm always afraid they're going to chew wire and burn my house down.
KEITH KENNEDY: I'm gonna take your word on that gastronomic pleasure.
TANYA ESPANYA: I knew you'd be on my side. I like ketchup, too.
WRITE PROCRASTINATOR: I'll slap those SLAPs down, boy.
oh, cup --i am so disappointed in you....this reeks of speciesism. get thee to a sensitivity class!
My dear M: I'm a loving, open-minded, open-hearted girl who accepts anyone or anything for whom he, she, or it is. Except for rodents. The nasty-assed pests should be taunted and hunted ... because they frighten me.
squirls can be entertaining, I don't know about cute
I second the BB gun quote! I personally hate them with a passion. They've destroyed many things in and around my house, so I have no love for them at all.
Case in point: they at one point in the life of my house chewed a hole through my soffits, made a home in my attic, crapped EVERYWHERE (stinking up the attic) and chewed through a few electrical lines.
Now, I say to you good people, are these animals cute? I think not! Keep those BB guns cocked!
I saw a definition in the Chamber's Dictionary, I think it was ... something like: Squirrel: A rat with good P.R.
-- david
MYUTOPIA: Yes, I guess they can be entertaining ... but they're still nasty.
DAN: Bravo! Now I remember why I once loved you amd still adore you.
DAVID AMULET: That's lovely.
Carrie on "Sex and the City" had a similar line about squirrels: "A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit."
My mom has the same feelings about squirrels. Years ago she had one punk her for an apple and to this day she's never quite gotten over it.
My mother had a squirrel in the basement of her house once. That little bastard tore up the woodwork around the window trying to get out. I've got no use for them.
Oh, I forgot...ammonia. Pest control told us that if you have a squirrel in the house put a rag soaked with ammonia into the room. Squirrels can't stand the smell and will vacate the premises.
Petcetera and other big pet stores must give you the creeps! All those plastic cages full of rodents trying to gnaw their way to freedom. Poor little fellers eh. Im told that in some countries, they consider cats to be like rodents.
MOXIE: I remember that line (and most of Carrie's) very well. But I found it too complimentary to squirrels.
CHELENE: I'm going to try ammonia around the birdhouses. You're brilliant!
MELLOWLEE: I always stay away from the rodent section; it definitely creeps me out. Cats may be considered rodents in other cultures ... but at least they have big, pretty eyes instead of those nasty beady ones. Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You are right about the BB's, I am married to man with a BB gun with a scope on it. (strictly for this purpose, never shoots at birds). Occasionally he does actually hit one. And occasionally my dog does just catch one on the fly and consume it in a matter of seconds, sans ketchup...
But none of this occurs often enough to put a dent in the population.
Kill them, eat them, use the fur and leave a couple of their carcasses on stakes in the yard as a warning to the others that you mean business.
The good Lord put us on top of the food chain for a reason.
"I'll slap those SLAPs down, boy."
Now that, is the quote of the week!
Death to the squirrel. Nutty rats.
"I got a million of 'em; that's why you love me."
You got that right!
Now I'm convinced Squirrel's are pure evil!!! See article on Reuters.
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2007-06-14T150030Z_01_L14321710_RTRUKOC_0_US-GERMANY-SQUIRREL.xml&src=nl_usoddlyenough
Evil little fur-bastards.
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